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The consideration of the role of a "User" and the "Used" PDF Print E-mail

Life is such that every day, “I” seem to be engaged in transactions with another and others engage in transaction with “me”. The consideration that “I” wanted to make is the way these transactions are reviewed and judged. There are times that the outcome of a transaction makes me feel, that “I” was used, or that “I” used the other for my benefit, or both parties feel that they were used by each other. Lastly all what I did or I’m doing is related with my duty & obligation and the outcome is that I am not a user or being used. 

To overcome a few personal circumstances, I wanted to consider an example of a source & use of a water hole or a spring.  The source of water in a spring is a natural resource and the use of this water, is always considered to fulfil one’s survival & one’s cleanliness. The source of water, from a water hole, gives you clean water for us to use, in any which way we choose to clean and be purified. So now “I” become the user and the water, is what is being used. So with this use of the water “I” become clean and “I” dirty the water, with my dirt & impurities, dependent on the way “I” choose to use the water. The water is unaware as to how it was used and unaware that it has been made dirty or perceived by the user as being used and dirty. Now “I” treat this water as dirty and at times throw the water away as it may not be suitable for further use. Never do “I” admit that “I” used the water and perceived it to be dirty or that “I” may have a duty to clean the water that “I” dirtied.

Well amazingly the water has a further quality. The character of water is always to take the shape of the container or its circumstance and then if allowed to be still & settle it has a natural tendency to clean & purify itself. The sediment or all the dirt that was washed into the water, settles at the bottom of the container and the water begins to purify itself, using the environmental conditions.

So similarly we as humans can have qualities same as the water. First of all we can learn to adjust ourselves to accommodate another and adapt to the circumstances. Next is to cultivate a personality not to reply or react or respond to the circumstances with your own opinion or judgment. This sort of Noble attitude and a personality is rare among roles and relationships. So water carries a self cleaning characteristic and becomes a priceless commodity to each one of our survival.  

When we know that we are being used or we know that we are using another, the admittance and the recognition of our participation is what is most important. The next is that this information and the knowledge is also registered and remembered by each one of us. Now if a person who is regretful or guilty who constantly thinks about these circumstances and continues to be irritated with themselves, will mostly have self-pity and demonstrate the qualities of being used or having being used. A person, who is revengeful or remorseful, will also bring anger upon themselves and respond accordingly. A person who is jealous with selfishness may become stubborn & disobedient. Others, who have no idea whether they have used another or they were used by another, will happily continue with what they have been experiencing. It is important at times to reflect upon your relationships and the roles that each one of you is performing. As the roles we perform as sons or daughters, brothers or sisters, relations or friends, spouses or as parents, teachers or pupils, employees or employers, tradesman etc ..... you may find that each one of you have a different or varying level of exhaustion and fatigue associated. When you investigate as to why? You will see how you have declared certain commitments and gainful outcomes, that have now expired and you are unable to make any adjustment to these declarations. You will feel that you are taken for granted and others are not willing to allow you to adjust. So the others expectations on your performance is never changed and rarely appreciated compared to the effort that was put. 

If a person learns to investigate their lives by role and the duties that need to be performed, then that person may have an opportunity to investigate, if they are being used by the others or they are a user of the other in the relationship. So a person who has learnt to “leave things or see things” for what they are and have cultivated an attitude to be still and calm with the way others behave, then they will be the least harmed or “used” by another. They always know how to gather themselves and be restrained from reactions and responses and are free to continue with their chosen journey.

Life is such that each one of us should practice the nature of “appreciation of another’s efforts” as to their role and performance of duty within. You must also learn to be “appreciated for your efforts” being dutiful and the nature as to how to acknowledge the appreciation. A person who is like this will always have abundance of appreciated and self Joy (muditha). Further more, in each of the roles one should be adequately humble to ask for forgiveness for all things that may have happened knowingly & unknowingly in speech and deed. Also one should learn to appreciate the others efforts of forgiveness, and always free the others of all transactions they feel that they were at fault. This way the nature of equanimity & appreciative joy is present within and the nature of generosity with your own kindness and compassion towards another. This way there will be no judgment or opinion if you were the victim of how another used you or if you were the user within a relationship. Take time to re-read this note so you appreciate your effort to elevate and be a better person in this rare privilege of being human. Enjoy the Dhamma.